Woot! Woot! I am back from my first vacation in years. My parents, my youngest daughter (18), and I went to visit my sister in Austin, Texas. Everything fell together perfectly and we were able to escape five inches of snow in the Texas Panhandle. Sadly, the National Weather Service is predicting more of the cold, wet stuff overnight on Tuesday and I can’t run this time.
This weekend put some things in perspective for me that I have been fighting for more years than I can count. Mental health is a touchy subject for many and also filled with unanswered questions because the brain functions in a mysterious manner. The brain can trick its self into believing false information and the product can be anything from low self-esteem to fully formed hallucinations. Unfortunately, traumas–both past and present–trigger these episodes and can result in unsafe behavior, suicidal ideations, and subsequent hospitalizations.
While my experience is unique, as everyone’s is, I have become consciously aware of other people’s experiences and protective of others fighting a life-long battle. I did not plan to write this post quite yet; but, over the weekend, someone I have come to respect because of their public stance and advocacy of mental health appears to be in the midst of a suspected breakdown. My point is to explain my experiences and educate others about how a dysfunctional brain behaves. Irradically, obviously.
In 2015 my mom found me at my home disoriented and what doctors would later describe as near catatonic. It is necessary for me to stress that I was not high, over-drugged, or chemically altered at this time. After my oldest daughter arrived at my house, she and my mom decided I needed to go to the hospital and that an ambulance should transport me. Leaving my home via stretcher is the last thing I would remember until I awoke at our psychiatric care facility. Family later described the terrifying events that lead to my admission.
As of this moment, I’m not sure my family realizes the terror that accompanies complete memory loss. And, I am positive I do not understand the utter fear they suffered finding me in my deteriorated condition. Mental health affects all aspects of a person’s life. Family, friends, and other loved ones live the horrors along with the affected individual. For me, that was two daughters, a loving husband, two supporting parents, and many other extended family members. I have no lack of love or support. In many ways, people would be surprised at the level of function my perfectly unfunctional family operates.
The only story I can tell from a place of self-awareness and self-acceptance is my own. I hope you’ll join me on a journey of understanding.
I began this post with the idea of approaching everything in one long-winded message. Realization dawned on me and I am going to step into a series of posts, each covering my experiences, thoughts, and feelings.